Updated: Jul 4, 2021
I've witnessed so many people go through some vast and significant life changes and I myself am one of them. It took me a while to really understand and accept that changes are to be embraced rather than be feared, but how did I overcome my feelings around change? Those feelings of anxiety and dread when you know you need to take a step out of your comfort zone and start living your life rather than existing and plodding along with it, often at the sacrifice of your own well deserved happiness.
Well, put simply, I almost had a catastrophic meltdown which sounds horrendous and it certainly felt it but it was an experience which lasted far less time than I anticipated. I sat with my emotions and all the feelings that came with them and allowed myself to quietly observe and process each and every one, as they entered my mind and body in waves.
I sat and faced myself in a way I had never done before. I gave myself permission to reach the edge of those feelings and confronted them head on. During this period of introspection, I had a conversation with myself as though I was looking in a mirror at my reflection. When I looked very clearly at who I saw, I felt an enormous amount of sadness for I no longer recognised the woman I once was as I was surrounded by chains. At the very same time, I also felt a huge weight lift and relief pour into me.
In that moment of meditation and reflection, I realised I had the ability to unlock my chains and allow them to fall away so that I could step forward feeling lighter and new again and thats exactly what I did.
It took every ounce of courage I had left to face the person I'd become inside, and to say goodbye to her. I understood that I was the one holding myself in turmoil, because of the thoughts, beliefs and behavioural patterns that I kept repeating over and over again.
Thoughts that I'd be on my own for the rest of my life and that I wasn't worthy or deserving of love again. That it was all so pointless and hopeless that I'd be better off alone because then I'd have the power and control to ensure I never again suffer heartbreak. These thoughts were were but a few of my constant erractic and irrational mind at times. I was scared, exceptionally lonely, I was worried about losing my home, my status as a wife, my career. I was tortured by the fact I may not be able to provide my son all the things other parents provided their children. I was so panicky because everything in life was now down to me. The responsibility of bills, running my home, getting a job after just having a baby, sorting childcare. All these negative thoughts held me prisoner and something had to shift!
I had my work cut out but I knew it was down to me to change. No one else is responsible for your happiness right! I started looking at all the good things I had in my life, my son, my family, my friends, my health and well-being, I trained to becoe a yoga teacher, following my instincts and desire to help and guide others and avoid the mistakes I'd made. I stopped worrying about money and worked out my budgets. I soon realised that so long as my bills were paid and there was food on my table. I knew I was doing just fine. Ultimately I wanted to show my son just how strong his mammy actually is and to teach him that no matter how hard life gets, you must always try and pick yourself up if you fall, because at the end of the day, what actually matters is that you are alive, you are breathing and that when you let go of your fears which are just thoughts that you keep thinking, everything starts to unfold and new opportunities start to appear.
There are some really famous lines from another favourite movie of mine. One of which I was reminded of this weekend! Can you take a guess at what movie they are from?....
"Salvation lies within"
"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged'
It is up to you which path and mindset you choose!
Love and light